


i’ll be good, i’ll be good (for all of the time that i never could)

by deadlynightshade



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fix-It, M/M, Post Season 7
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-11 12:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15972059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlynightshade/pseuds/deadlynightshade
Summary: He wants him to know. Lance deserves all the love and appreciation in the whole damn universe and Keith wants him to know that he’d do anything for him, he’d sacrifice every single thing he’s ever loved just to make that scowl go away.“You look like shit” is what he says instead. He’s never been good with words, after all.“Jeez, man, nice to see you too” he promptly replies, a small, teasing smile now gracing his lips.(Or: after the final battle on Earth, the Paladins are recovered in the Garrison. Keith finally finds the courage to talk to Lance, since they have much to catch up on. The fact that he’s utterly terrible with words doesn’t help him connect to his favourite Paladin, either.)





	i’ll be good, i’ll be good (for all of the time that i never could)

The Garrison hallways are dimly lit and deserted during the night and it doesn’t come as a surprise to Keith, who has been roaming through them ever since his time as a student here. However, he’s fairly startled by their odd familiarity as he walks - like nothing changed, like he’s still that bitter, hopeless kid, like he hasn’t just saved the whole planet just a few days ago with the help of the most unusual group of people.

Before he knows it, he finds himself in front of a door, his back to his actual hospital room. He’s not sure what he’s doing here, but he forces himself to knock instead of losing sleep by over thinking it for the third night in a row. 

He doesn’t expect the quiet “come in” from the other side – it’s somewhere around 2 am, to be fair – but he opens the door, his hands betraying him as he notices the light tremor in his fingers.

The first thing he notices upon entering is the utter chaos that distinguishes it from his own. This room is designed exactly like Keith’s, only reversed, but from what he can make out from the moonlight entering through the open window, there are countless objects scattered around – toys, clothes, drawings, flowers, food – that make it feel lively.

After looking around for a few seconds, he focuses on the figure on the bed. Lance is looking at him with his mouth slightly open, eyes wide, clearly taken aback from his visit. They haven’t seen each other since the battle and he probably didn’t expect him of all people to come look for him.

He looks terrible. He’s visibly tired, heavy bags under his eyes, hair clearly unkempt, multiple bruises and bandages reminding him of where he was just a few days ago. The battlefield.

He watches as Lance’s soft surprised expression transforms into an almost imperceptible frown when he tries to sit up. He can’t help but think that this weary, rugged look doesn’t suit him at all and his fists clench. Keith hates it. He hates that life could take something as beautiful and pure as Lance and cruelly swallow him whole, only to spit him out and leave him like this, a mere shell of the vibrant, hopeful boy he was before, lifeless eyes and poker face now more or less permanent on his face.

He wants him to know. Lance deserves all the love and appreciation in the whole damn universe and Keith wants him to know that he’d do anything for him, he’d sacrifice every single thing he’s ever loved just to make that scowl go away.

“You look like shit” is what he says instead. He’s never been good with words, after all.

“Jeez, man, nice to see you too” he promptly replies, a small, teasing smile now gracing his lips.

He sits on the chair closest to the window, his eyes scanning the night sky. After everything he’s been through and the places he’s seen, the stars that comforted him countless times before feel somehow unfamiliar and dull. He wonders if Lance is thinking the same thing as he steals a glance at the boy, who seems lost in thought and contemplation.

“How’s your head?”

“I’ve seen worse” he admits, somehow sheepishly. Lance gives him a pointed look, but he sighs in defeat. Keith has been through much worse, they both know it. “What about you? You almost died, Lance.” He forcefully swallows his thoughts, because he doesn’t want to burden the boy before him. _For a moment, I thought I lost you out there. I had never been that scared before._

He’s unable to tear his eyes off Lance as he watches him shrug, like it’s no big deal. Like he almost didn’t get crushed by a giant Galra cruiser. Like he doesn’t care. “I guess I’ve seen worse, too.”

Keith swears he can feel his heart breaking when he hears Lance’s broken words. “What happened to you?”

“Hm?”

“Something’s off” he says, closing his eyes and opening them to really look at him. He quickly glances at his hunched shoulders, the ruined skin around his nails, those damn heavy bags under his eyes. “You’re different. You’ve been acting weird. Something happened while I was gone.”

Lance finally looks at him and Keith feels the intensity of those blue eyes to his very bones. For a moment he looks surprised, surely not expecting someone to care and cursing himself for not being sneaky enough to hide his discomfort – Keith feels pride swell in his chest and gives himself a mental pat on the back for being able to read him this well – and then his whole expression turns cold, stiff, distant.

He patiently watches him as he switches his defence mechanism on, extremely acquainted to the feeling of someone prying into his thoughts uninvited. Perhaps the reason he’s good at guessing Lance’s internal turmoil is because it’s all too familiar. He realizes that he doesn’t want Lance to end up like him, bitter and angry at the world.

“We’re in the middle of a war” he says, his voice loud, steady, and completely void of emotion – clearly rehearsed. “We see horrible, unspeakable things every day.”

Keith looks at him with annoyance and raises an inquiring eyebrow, knowing that Lance will understand his unspoken words: _I’m not buying it, I know you’re lying._ He’s unexpectedly overcome with rage and he wishes he could convince Lance to let himself be vulnerable around him, to let Keith help him. He feels like an hypocrite, because he knows that if the roles were reversed and Lance were to ask him something like that, he’d surely tell him to go fuck himself without a second thought.

He watches him sigh and open his mouth, only to close it after a second, as if unsure of what to say. “Why do you suddenly care, Keith?”

The unspoken accusations – _you hate me, you left me_ – hit him harder than he thought it would. “I’m sorry” he says before he can even think about what he’s apologizing for. _I’m sorry for not functioning like a normal person and always distancing myself from everyone. I’m sorry for running away and leaving you alone when you needed a friend the most. I’m sorry for brushing you off after coming back. I’m sorry for not noticing that you’ve been breaking down since the day the Blue Lion chose you. I’m sorry for barging in your life and ruining it for a second time. I’m sorry for not knowing how to say what I really think._

Lance lets out a quiet sigh, looking away from him and down at his hands. “I didn’t mean to be spiteful, it’s just... kind of rich coming from you, since you’re not the same either” he says, seemingly deep in thought, and Keith finds himself completely fascinated by the way he’s nervously playing with his long fingers. “You’re two years older” he offers as an explanation, sounding more like a second thought.

He snorts, all fake and defensive, but he can’t help it, muttering “sometimes I forget.” It’s a lie and they both know it, but for whatever reason Lance lets it slide.

“You hurt me, you know?” is what he hears after a few minutes of silence. He turns to look at Lance, who has laid back on the hospital bed without him noticing – his expression is stiff, his lips forming a thin line and his eyes closed. He looks ready to let the ground swallow him whole, Keith realizes. He’s going to do something bold.

“Huh?” He curses himself for his reaction, but Lance’s words and its implication caught him completely off guard. He knows that he’s not ready to hear what’s coming next.

“When you came back” he explains, still not daring to open his eyes – which Keith doesn’t mind, because it gives him the opportunity to shamelessly stare at him as he speaks. “When you came back with your mom, Kosmo, and Romelle, you barely even acknowledged me. I don’t know what I expected, but being ignored as I tried to hug you after not seeing you for months definitely was not it. I thought we were finally getting somewhere.”

His throat feels suddenly dry and tense as he gulps nervously. “I’m not good with people. Or feelings.”

It’s Lance’s turn to snort now, an ugly, deprecating sound that Keith would give anything to never hear again. “Believe me, I know” he mutters, sounding tired and resigned instead of amused, “but I’m not perfect either. I made up a stupid rivalry just to get the attention of a boy I secretly admired.”

 _If only you knew, he thinks, how fucked up I really am_. “Sounds dumb” is what he says instead.

When Lance opens his mouth to reply, Keith immediately knows that he won’t be hearing the words he expects from him, the words he hopes to hear from him. He bitterly realizes that Lance will not come up with some useless comeback like “you sound dumb” or “your face sounds dumb” or even something classic like “your mullet sounds dumb”, because whatever that is, or was – their strange chemistry, their once hateful, then playful banter – is just gone, it merely belongs to the past now.

All that is left between them is the mutual trust that they have been building ever since this whole adventure started, on the day they saved Shiro and found the Blue Lion, growing slightly stronger as Keith became the leader with Lance as his right-hand man. That’s it. Keith wallows miserably in the sudden, sour awareness that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he doesn’t know why he’s sitting in Lance’s hospital room, hopelessly trying to have a conversation with the boy he clearly hasn’t talked to apart from war related business for actual years.

He doesn’t pay attention to Lance’s words, doesn’t even look at him as he abruptly gets up, declaring “I think I should leave.” Then he’s gone.

 

 

The next day, Pidge approaches him as soon as he steps foot outside of his room around noon. Keith vaguely wonders if she was waiting for him, but his thoughts are immediately interrupted by her hostile voice. “What have you done to Lance?”

“Excuse me?”

Seeing his obliviousness, she sighs. “He's sulking. He told me you went to talk to him and now he thinks you hate him. So, I want to know, what have you done to him?”

“I- Nothing.”

Pidge raises an eyebrow that screams _stop bullshitting me_.

“Listen, I- I just felt like talking to him, but then I realized that-“ and he stops, unable to articulate his thoughts.

“What?” she asks, impatient.

“We're not friends” he finds himself choking out, his voice soft and vulnerable despite his efforts to remain deadpan. “It just occurred to me that we're just.. Paladins, nothing more. I’m just his leader.”

“Do you want to be his friend?”

“It doesn't matter what I want. It’s too late now. And besides, I hurt him many times already.”

“That's not important. I mean, yeah, when you left-“ she cuts herself off with a sigh, closing her eyes as if trying to not think about something. “He hasn't been in a good place since then, but that's not all on you. He needs you. And I know you don't hate him. Don't you care about him?”

 _I do_ , Keith wants to scream. _I do, I do, I do. I care so much that I think I'm going to explode, but that's exactly why I can't be his friend. I'll leave him again, and again, and again, because that’s all I’m good at_.

“You don’t underst-“

“Don’t worry, I understand plenty. You need to get your head out of your ass and admit to yourself and then to him that you care. You’re smart and mature – most of the time, at least – so I believe that you can sort this out, Keith” she says, her cold and resolute stare almost terrifying. “He doesn't deserve to be treated like this, I know it, you know it, everybody in the whole fucking universe knows it, except for Lance. You know what to do.”

And with that cryptic, harsh truth he’s left alone in the corridor, a million thoughts swirling through his head. _I need to talk to him, but where do I even start?_

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I'm kinda new to the fandom and this is my first Klance fic, hope you don't hate it I guess haha  
> I just want to see my beautiful space boys talk and be happy, preferably together... pls  
> This fic will obviously have a second chapter (since nothing basically happened lmao) and it's probably going to be from Lance's POV, because he's my ultimate fave and I agree with Keith, he deserves all of the love!!! I just want to try and write him like I believe he deserves to be written :-)  
> Hope I didn't butcher Keith's character, btw. I'm still unfamiliar with them both, so if you have any comment or criticism don't hesitate to tell me! I love writing and I love those boys, I just want the best for them honestly  
> Title comes from Jaymes Young's I'll Be Good, which has been my jam for the past few weeks!  
> Now I'm gonna go back into my dark corner to cry and eat chocolate since I'm on my period. Hope you enjoyed this mess. Hope to see you soon, but just keep in mind that now that uni has started I'm not sure how much time I'll find to write :-) I'll do my best!


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